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    Best night with my besties. 🖤 Best night with my besties. 🖤
    What do I want for 2021? I want stillness. I wan What do I want for 2021?
I want stillness. 
I want peace and rest. 
I want relationships where we are courageous to live with uncomfortable truths, instead of comfortable lies. 
I want to be seen. 
I want to look at others in my life and really see them. 
I want to be forgiven, and forgive. 
I want connection so amazing, there are no appropriate words. 
I want joy and laughter that comes from deep in my body. 
I want Love with a capital L.
I want to be an example for my children. 
I want my children to have relationships that nourish them, and make them feel alive. 
I want to model those relationships for them. 
I want to create rather than respond. 
I want to stay true to myself rather than abandon to take the easier path. 
I want happiness. 
I want to feel everything . 
I want God’s presence. 
I want to live with Grace, and use Mary as my inspiration. 
I want to have my truest, most beautiful life.
    Happy 2nd birthday Tito! 🥓🍩🎂💙 Happy 2nd birthday Tito! 🥓🍩🎂💙
    Today was a hard day. You never know when they’r Today was a hard day. You never know when they’re coming. I leaned into the pain. The pain of loneliness and loss. I called a friend crying, and she suggested I simply sit down and write. It’s my purest form of communication.  In my writing today, I found myself focused on being extremely grateful for what I do professionally.  I’m blessed to be able to do my best to inspire others to live their truest, most beautiful life. I’m now finding the space and vulnerability to allow others to do the same for me. ❤️
    My daughter, Dara, asked me if she could put toget My daughter, Dara, asked me if she could put together a 25 min full body toning workout that I could do in our little home gym/bedroom. A bit fearful (because I know what a beast she is) I said YES with a strained smile! 
It rocked!
An awesome combo of legs, butt (she told me my booty needed lifting...thanks honey), abs, back, chest and triceps. 
(see details below)
She also set me up with her favorite playlist. Ummm...not G-rated. Bathed in holy water afterwards. 
Get creative with your workouts every once in awhile! I have my favs (Beachbody On Demand is my go-to at home), but it was super fun to mix it up. And, it felt good to bond with my girl over fitness.
D's Pick for Chri!
Lay on side, band around knees - 15 clam, 15 fire hydrant, 15 leg extended lifts
50 crunches center
Switch sides for band
50 crunches center
Standing row - 15 lbs, right arm 10 reps, left arm 10 reps
Bulgarian split squat(shown in pic) - 20 lbs each arm, 8 reps each leg
Chest press - lay on back on mat, 10 lbs, 15 reps
Tricep extension - stay in same position as chest, same weight, same rep, elbows stacked over shoulders, weights drop beside ears and extend up.
Repeat series 3x
Message me if you have questions about this workout, or other stuff I love!
    Welcome home 2021. Your body is where you live. ❤️
    My word for 2021 is Stillness. Rumi is my favori My word for 2021 is Stillness. 
Rumi is my favorite poet. He wrote, “The soul has been given it’s own ears to hear things the mind does not understand.”
In order to hear my soul, I need to be still. Today I closed my eyes and asked God for Stillness. I focused only on my breath, and welcomed the peace of simply being still. 
Stillness is not nothingness. It’s a space of authenticity and clarity. 
In our Stillness is where we see ourselves. When we really see ourselves we can imagine, create, rise and become. 
This year I will make more decisions from my soul, rather than my training. 
My soul is my most personal compass. No one else in the world knows exactly what I should do. Even those who love me most. Because no one has ever lived the life I’m living. No one has ever lived YOUR life. It’s ours to uniquely Become or Screw Up. And both are are going to happen. 
I’m imagining the most beautiful life that originates from my soul. I’m committed to Stillness to make the choices to create that life. 
2021…I’m ready.
    Walking on sunshine! To be more transparent, final Walking on sunshine! To be more transparent, finally feeling a light like I've never felt since he died. I've been hiding, and diverting, and running from his death. I was so busy taking care of him and protecting my children (and there is no complaining in this at all) that I didn't allow myself to feel. After his passing, I wrapped myself up all the admin stuff that goes with the death of a spouse, sold my house, moved to another house, entrenched my mind and energy into unpacking this new space...this new life...without truly feeling what all that before felt like. 
In the recent weeks I've decided to reach out to that life...reach out to him. I had a very difficult dream about Rob in Stillwater prior to coming here. Since being here I have found clarity. I've had two beautiful dreams about him. The first two ever that I didn’t awaken with pain. He's happy. 
I have felt God's light...Mary's light...intensely here. My mind and body are at peace. No distractions. I feel I'm getting my power back. Not a power to control others.  A power to authentically be me. I'm not the same, but I know that I am stronger rather than weaker after his death. I love bigger, express deeper gratitude, let more things go, give selfless grace, and live with unabashed freedom.  I also know that I deserve to feel respected, trusted and loved. Judgement has no place in any of our lives. 
This new light in my life is meant to be.
    Ending the day with a beautiful (and sassy) friend Ending the day with a beautiful (and sassy) friend never disappoints. 💛
    Wishing you all a blessed and beautiful Christmas. Wishing you all a blessed and beautiful Christmas.  Family ❤️
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